


This Sky Is For You

by laissemoidanser



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) and Cleaning, M/M, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, eruri - Freeform, snk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-20 03:45:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2413778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laissemoidanser/pseuds/laissemoidanser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Do you like stars in the night sky, Levi?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Graceless Flower

**Author's Note:**

> So, I haven't written a thing in a long, long time. But since I can't get these two out of my head - here we go - the first chapter. Apologies for any grammar mistakes!

 

**This Sky Is For You**

 

*******

 

The barracks were completely empty. It was the second day after the tragic events during that training expedition. Young soldiers went each their own way, mostly to town hoping to get drunk and to gamble. How else can one get rid of fear? How else is one to forget the burden of all those losses? Only one small sad figure was sitting by the window, illuminated by soft moonlight. The one who is already familiar with the heaviest of losses. The one who has nothing to lose. The one who has already made his choice. And yet, now when Levi is looking at the starry sky, his heart is overflowing with sadness. Farlan, Isabel, where are you now?

He heard footsteps in the hallway. Damn it, who the hell would be back that early? Now his precious solitude is interrupted even earlier than expected.

Erwin?

Young captain stood in the doorway. Levi  sprang to his feet immediately and saluted him heartedly.

"Please. No need for this now," Erwin said, smiling at him.

Levi‘s shoulders relaxed, sparks in his eyes grew dim, he sighed heavily and sank back on the bed, turning his attention to the window again.

"Erwin."

"I am very sorry for what happened, Levi"  Erwin came closer  to  his new subordinate and stood by his bed. Levi kept staring out of the window intently.  - I'm sorry that you had to pay such cruel price for our deal.

"Our deal? Didn’t seem like you were that much sorry when you threatened to kill my friends."

Erwin sat on the bed next to him.

"Humanity needs the strongest of soldiers now. As never before. _I am_ sorry. Because I'm ready to get those soldiers at all costs. Only if you and me, Levi, only if we join our forces, we will stand a chance to win. You will have to trust me on that."

As if he didn’t!  And look what it got him into! He chose Erwin, leaving his friends behind. In a glimpse of a moment, seized by some unexplained rush of mad emotions, he left them, looking for him in desperation. For some reason, he thought that Erwin could die in that hell of rain, got eaten by titans. He lost the ability to think clearly. _Don’t you dare die_ , _not on my watch not now!_ _I am the one to kill you_. But even if he told himself that he acted this way only because their plan took too long, because things did not go their way, because he wanted to end it all as quickly as possible, wanted to get hold of those precious secret document, in fact, he knew, deep down inside, that even back then he already _feared_ that Erwin would die. Why? Because everything would have lost its meaning.

"If I did not trust you would I be sitting here now, Erwin? Would you be sitting here?" Levi looked at Erwin. Captain was very close – his piercing blue eyes, so bright and calm, stared at him with some kind of affection.

 "You _are_ sitting here because I put trust in you, and I was right, " he said.

"How I wished that…back there ...back then ... I could get rid of you once and for all. For the fact that you, bastard, dared to ruin my life like that. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Because ... I've never met a crazy shithead like you before, you know."

They both chuckled.

" Why are you so persistent? Where did you get such strong belief that the Survey Corps and the whole humanity have a future?"

" Do you like stars in the night sky, Levi?" Erwin whispered as he leaned even closer to him, too close. The question sounded as if he asked something intimate, innermost. Levi felt his cheeks burning, he looked away and down at the wooden floor. "Why is that?"

He considered the question for a moment.

" I admire their infinity, "  he said. " They go around in the sky, you know. They see the entire world. When I look at them, it seems to me that there is a reason for their infinity. That somewhere out there, beyond the walls, there is a whole world, and stars must be aware of this. So, they kinda delight me. They give me strength. Erwin." Levi looked at the sky, again, and then looked back at Erwin hesitantly, "Better if you don’t ask me such shitty questions."

" That is why I chose you, " Erwin said, " I can show you this world, of which stars tell you. Only if you help me get it back."

" You said that the lives of all those who died were offered for a reason. And with no regrets. That is the price of freedom.  I find it so very difficult, too difficult in fact, to put up with this idea, but I'm willing to try. If we both want the same thing."

They looked at each other. Freedom. Could it be possible? Levi saw it in those meaningful blue eyes – he saw present, past and future, and the reflection of innumerable stars.

Erwin bent down and kissed his lips. Levi’s heart skipped a bit and then fluttered in his chest as if it gained wings all of a sudden,  he pressed his lips into Erwin’s, moved closer to him, and gently put his hand on the broad back. A gesture of weakness he would’ve never allowed before, a gesture signifying that he, Levi, recognizes authority in someone. But Erwin has already broken him, he enlightened his dark soul and showed him the way - now there is no turning back. Erwin must be the only one who sees Levi’s true colors. They kissed for so long, for eternity maybe? Perhaps, at some point, he missed when exactly, it was no longer a comforting kiss. Erwin took his chin and leaned closer, kissed him deeper, with persistence, found his way inside his mouth and claimed his tongue. If only they never ran out of time…

They heard footsteps In the hallway  again.

Captain broke the kiss then, quickly rose to his feet, straightened his bolo-tie and went to the door, looking back at Levi on his way. A warm smile played on his lips full of promises still unsaid.

 _"Erwin! Here you are! Everyone’s looking for you already!"_ Levi heard Hanji saying.

Even when the sound of their steps subsided, Levi kept staring at the empty space, thinking about what just happened, breathing heavily without noticing it. Then, as if coming back to reality, he looked up at stars in the sky. And there, he saw the reflection of Erwin’s eyes. Of freedom. His freedom.


	2. So insecure, so unaware

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avenging his friends and killing as much titans as possible. That should be his main objective, no time for stupid feelings, no time for heavy heart. No time to feel so damn lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason I didn't want to develop their relationship too quickly. Guess my headcanon is that it built between them slowly but steadily ^^

   

So insecure, so unaware

 

    Nothingness took place of his friends lost outside the walls. Levi found himself completely alone among strangers now. He didn’t  give a damn about any of them when Isabel and Farlan were there but the situation changed. Nobody in the Survey Corps liked him or at least found him bearable enough to even talk to - even in spite of all his obvious talents, for most of them he was still a thug from the underground city. They looked at him suspiciously, whispered behind his back and speculated about how unfair of their captain it was to give scum like that such easy access to the Corps. How on earth was it even possible for someone like him to be in their ranks without any military training? It was not in Levi’s character to bear with such attitude towards his person, but the situation has left him at a disadvantage. Besides, he didn’t want to let Erwin down. Erwin… It's been a few weeks since that night when he came to him and tried to offer words of comfort ... Levi felt like he wanted to see him again. Erwin was all he had left, his choice. So why the hell did he suddenly become so unreachable?

   Levi saw him several times in the company of another blond man. What was his name again? Mike? Seemed like he followed Erwin everywhere. As if they were best friends or something. Thick as thieves, ha?

   “Tch,” Levi angrily fiddled with his cup of tea,  all these thoughts  were swirling endlessly in his head. What about this blond anyway? What does he have that Levi lacks?

   One morning he was returning from training earlier than usual – during those trainings he might as well become a part of the wall when he was there, no one would notice – usually, they divided into groups and trained together. Naturally, he was ignored, or rather; he ignored everyone, thinking it below his standards to participate in such trivial activities. He made sure to let them know of his physical abilities alright, and in case the occasion rises, he would not hesitate to fight back. But right now he would be so much happier if he could kill some titans instead. Messing around with young unskilled recruits seemed to him a very unworthy occupation.

   He walked down the hall, glancing with contempt at thick layers of dust on the windowsills and walls. After his friends died he grew especially sensitive about the question of cleaning. The day was unusually hot and some of the windows were wide open, gloomy hallway filled with birds chirping and rustling of leaves in the wind. On his way he also heard men's voices and sharp sound of blades. Levi stopped near one of the open windows and peeked down, curious. There, in a small yard next to the officers’ barracks, he saw Erwin and Mike - well-well, looks like even important personas such as them managed to find some time for a quick morning workout. The day was getting really hot, their three dimensional maneuver gear were forgotten in the shade of the trees together with their military jackets. They fought with blades only. And those two could in no way be compared to what Levi had seen at the recruits training. Mike’s movements were quick and rapid, allowing him to easily dodge his opponent’s attacks; he was taller and thinner than Erwin. But Levi turned all his attention to the young captain. Getting adrift for a moment, he leaned against the window frame and watched. Memories of that night surfaced in his memory again and he became uncomfortably hot all of a sudden. He looked at Erwin’s stately, well-built frame, his broad shoulders, his strong legs. Unlike Mike, Erwin was not as fast in combat, and he was definitely no match for Levi in that aspect. But his advantage was in his force. Within next few seconds, Mike found himself on the ground, defeated. He didn’t even realize what had just happened. He swore. Erwin laughed. Levi knew this attack too well, it was powerful and accurate, so that the attacker wouldn’t stand a single chance to dodge. All Erwin did was just waiting for the right time to use it. 

  " You tactical bastard! I knew right from the start that you will play your dirty tricks on me again this time, Erwin. I even managed to predict your next move, well, almost did, but still, you see, I was stupid enough to rely on your placid conscience."

Erwin offered him his hand and Mike grabbed it rising to his feet with a sigh of pain.

  " No worries, Mike, a little more practice and you’re going to become the first one to read my mind."

  " Listen - just for how many years you’ve been telling me this?"

Erwin smirked, unbuttoned the collar of his shirt and headed toward the shady trees looking for his equipment.

  " Fifteen minutes today, Mike - impressive,"  he remarked.

Mike turned around and looked up. 

  " Hey, you there! Did the training finished early today or what?  How long are you planning to hang out there stalking from the window?"

Levi jumped on the spot when Mike suddenly called him out. Lost in thought, he completely forgot that he as well may be seen from down there.

   " My training ‘s over, sir."

   " Is that so? Than go scrub clean the entire damn floor you’ve been stalking us from, soldier! Physical labor won’t hurt you."

   " Yes, sir."

   To hell with you, blondie No.2, Levi thought angrily, watching from the corner of his eye as Erwin silently collected his uniform from the tree. Though you may be not as dumb as you appear, judging from just how close you’re with Erwin. Levi went looking for a mop - well, anyway, he was more than happy to clean this floor till it shines - till these gray dusty walls are same white as the open collar of Erwin’s shirt.

    Eventually it has become a habit of his to skip morning trainings now and then and casually pass by that same window. He was careful now not to stay there for too long though. Every time he saw Mike and Erwin in the yard, his heart jumped a little with joy and his eyes lingered on the latter. The fact that he would deny to death to anybody, if asked, even to himself. Things went on like that until preparations for the next expedition were announced. Then almost every day soldiers began to gather in the lecture hall -new objectives, tasks and strategies developed by Erwin and designed to increase the safety of the mission were being explained to them. First few lectures were read by Erwin himself. He tried to explain his new strategy to the young soldiers in as much detail as possible and to answer all possible questions, at the same time assessing how everyone is preparing for a new expedition after the failure of the previous one .

    Levi listened to him with that typical bored expression on his face, accompanied only by an annoyed _"Tch"_ every time he heard girls whisper behind him arguing over the fact whether Erwin is as decisive in bed as he is with his strategies. Fucking nonsense. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why Erwin hardly reads any lectures at all. Levi tugged at his shirt - at the thought of how Erwin might be in bed his clothes became unexpectedly tight. He thought again about the night sky and concluded that he recalls that moment when Erwin’s lips covered his own too fucking often. What was all that about anyway? Levi tried not to ponder too deeply.

    Intensive training began and he chose to devote himself to it, forgetting about the window and his casual strolls in the hallways. Instead, now he would focus on avenging his friends and killing as much titans as possible. That should be his main objective, no time for stupid feelings, no time for heavy heart. No time to feel so damn lonely. He must fight. He wanted to fight. So, into a fight he got. During a trainig he attacked one of the recruits, who got mouth way too big for Levi’s short temper. Bastard might die during this new expedition, get what he deserves in any case, but Levi’s nerves were strained for too long and his frustration began to show – he was all wires. As a result, he attacked first. But the guy was too big and tough for him; Levi could not knock him down from the first strike. Instead, he found himself on the ground -  his eyes full of violent sparks. The recruit towered over him, like a rock, his knee pressed painfully into Levi’s chest. Levi turned his head and saw Erwin – young captain stood nearby, watching him - just as Levi had once watched _him_ from the window. His presence was cool and indifferent to the young soldiers, but his shrewd blue eyes were glued to Levi and full of something that once again made his heart tremble with shuddering delight. Levi caught recruit’s fist aimed directly at his face, and in one deft movement overthrew the offender on his back, landing on top of him. Speed has always been his strength.

    " One more word and I'll beat all the crap out of that already empty head of yours," he said coldly. Then he rose to his feet, straightened the collar of his shirt and headed for the door proudly, feeling the eyes of the assembled crowd on him, feeling Erwin’s gaze burning through his back.


	3. Burning brighter

**Burning brighter**

 

 It was not so very easy to find excuses to see Erwin and it was even more difficult to find him at all, as he was always on duty somewhere. But then, a day after the incident during training Levi suddenly ran into him in the hall.

 " Hey, Levi," Erwin seemed friendly as ever.

 " Erwin."

 " Why won’t you train with me and Mike tomorrow morning? I suppose, those young people don’t quite match your physical abilities. And it’s crucial for me that you do not lose your knack before the new expedition."

  Levi just looked at him

 " I won’t insist if you don’t want to, of course, - Erwin added, though his tone suggested otherwise."

 " Fine,"  Levi answered and headed back to the barracks.

That evening, he made sure to thoroughly clean all the surfaces available on the floor, ignoring the suspicious looks of his clueless comrades.

The morning was cold and breathing with frosty air – autumn was gradually taking over summer heat. Perfect weather for training. Levi was waiting for Erwin at the entrance to officers' barracks… for quite some time. He observed the steamy air coming out of his mouth and the leaves falling from the trees.

 " Morning, Levi" Erwin walked up to him all alone, his green Survey Corps cape slung casually over his shoulder.

 " You’re not with Mike?"

The question seemed to catch Erwin off guard for a moment.  

 " No. I instructed him to check on recruits’ training. Tomorrow is an important day."

Fair enough.

They headed for the same yard Levi had so often secretly watched from the window above. Now it was only him and Erwin himself. Erwin hung his cape carefully on the branch of a tree, and returned to him. Levi followed his suit. In his hand he had a knife – a real one - this training was definitely to his liking. So much time had passed since the accident in the underground city, when Erwin pursued him and his friends, when he threatened him, now it was time to remember how to use that knife... Erwin attacked him first, without waiting for his opponent. But Levi was too fast and dodged easily. It took several attempts before Erwin decided to change his tactics - he was convinced now that his opponent didn’t lose his knack a single bit. He waited patiently for Levi to make his move, and then took him by the wrist and easily flipped him over himself with such force that Levi almost lost his balance, almost - but still he managed to get back to his feet without dropping the knife. He immediately attacked Erwin back, again and again, and again. But he couldn’t get close to him, Erwin calculated his every step. "Tch," - Levi exhaled with annoyance when the dust from the ground settled on his shirt, he looked at his boots, at Erwin’s boots, now as dusty as his own. At this moment, Erwin lunged at him - but Levi was prepared to it and before Erwin managed to turn around and knock him down, he rushed at him, catching his forearm and deftly tripping him. Erwin fell on his back and Levi put his knee on captain’s chest triumphantly. Both of them were panting heavily. Erwin stared helplessly at Levi with those bright blue eyes - he must have forgotten how to lose. Levi was still holding his forearm, gradually realizing now how uncomfortable he was in his dusty pants. How it was achingly hot inside his chest, how loudly his heart was thumping under his shirt. Thanks god this pants are so tight, he thought, his pale cheeks blushing faintly. They kept staring at each other. Erwin’s blond hair, always neatly combed, was now in the extreme state of disorder, dust slowly settling on it.

 " You win, Levi"  he confirmed his defeat at last. Levi snapped back to reality. He straightened up, carefully avoiding temptation to adjust his pants. He offered a hand to his captain and Erwin gratefully accepted.

 " I suppose, _that_ is no way to start a day" he said, looking his dusty clothes up with pity.

 " I suppose "  Levi echoed.

They left the yard together.

 " Thanks for the workout" Levi snapped and turned in the direction of the barracks.

 " Be ready tomorrow, Levi."

 " Fine."

 " Levi?"

Levy stopped and turned half way around. Blue eyes kept drilling through him like the sharpest of blades.  

 " Keep close distance to me. Two horses, not a step further."

Levi perked one eyebrow in question.

 " That's an order. Obey."

 " Just as you say."

They parted.

As soon as Levi got to the showers he took off his dusty clothes and threw them to the wash basin with disgust. He stepped into a stream of cold water and sighed convulsively. His body was too hot, like that of a titan, it was especially hot between his legs. That aching feeling in his abdomen that he hadn’t felt for so long. It was too hot, too urgent. He closed his eyes and trailed his fingers down there, wrapped his hand around the heat, moving it up and down, slowly at first, then faster, as his body demanded. He exhaled loudly, all thoughts abandoned his head, and it was suddenly filled with Erwin only – with his thighs, his strong legs, even with the dust on his boots and pants, his broad shoulders, his disheveled hair and innocent surprise in his blue eyes. A moan broke from Levi’s lips and he bit his forearm, remembering in time that he was in the public shower. His hips thrust involuntarily into his hand, his body shook in one spasm after another, with such a force that his legs gave away and he leaned weakly on the tile wall, watching the evidence of his secret desire washing away in the flow of water from the floor, from his stomach, from his palm. A subtle _"Erwin"_ ghosting on his lips.

***

Next day a new expedition began. Erwin’s commanding voice filled the street already crowded with curious residents. His voice enticed everyone in the squad, lit up their hearts, and with a triumphant cry, they rushed after their leader outside. Levi’s heart was pounding in his chest; he squinted at the bright sunlight and then concentrated on the wings of freedom, flapping in front of him on Erwin’s cape. _"Keep close distance to me,"_ he remembered. His head became dizzy with the vastness of valleys and the brightness of the horizon, with countless possibilities and unknown dangers. His heart was filled with a taste of freedom, a feeling of adrenaline and some inexplicable delight, but his face hardly shown any emotion.

It was deceptively calm and quiet for a long time, their small squad, most secure part of which was occupied by young recruits, cheered up, relaxed a little. And just then…

 " Captain, titans! Twelve o'clock!" of course, when least expected, danger returned. A twenty meter class, no less, was running straight to the front of the squad.

 " Keep the formation!!" Erwin ordered.  "On my signal, split into two columns!!"

Fear ripped through the squad. Levi could feel it and hear it behind his back. Fear gripped everyone. The titan was approaching.

 " Captain ... " someone at the back of the formation snapped.

 " Keep the formation!!" Erwin’s voice was no less frightening. The recruits clang to the reins in horror ready to panic at first opportunity. Their fortitude was not trained enough to have complete trust in authority.

When the titan seemed to be helplessly close when they all thought it was too late, Erwin outstretched his right arm.

 " Split up!! Mike!"

Mike nodded shortly and led his part of the squad to the left abruptly, while Erwin led his part to the right.

The titan stopped and watched dumbly as his prey scattered, perplexed with a choice too difficult. While it was thinking, the squad rushed to link up behind its back.

 " Onward!! Leave the titan!! Move!" Erwin commanded. There was not a single chance that the beast would catch up with them now that they had an obvious advantage in position and speed. But before the squad was back in one formation, three more titans appeared from behind the trees on the right. One of them was a deviant type. It ran so fast that even their horses had no chance to outrun it.

 " Squad!! Alter the course to the small town on the left!!" Erwin’s arm pointed to the left. Two veterans had already raced toward the deviant type. But it was too fast - they, nevertheless, managed to cut its legs and the creature collapsed just a few meters from the right line of the formation, knocking off a huge rock on its way. The rock rebounded and smacked straight into the right wing. Horrible cries of pain broke from the back. Levi managed to look behind before shards of someone's equipment flew into his face. He covered it with his hand, but a sharp pain burnt through his cheek and his neck. He felt warm blood flowing under his shirt before he lost consciousness.

When he woke up - he was no longer in his saddle, but on the bench instead. This meant that they had still been able to make it to the town. Sunlight was hitting him in the eye, a girl with brown messy hair and curious dark eyes under a pair of glasses fussed over him.

 " What are you doing?" he asked, touching his injured cheek carefully.

 " You’ve passed out. But nothing serious, no concussion," she added with what seemed like a note of disappointment in her voice, " Just a couple of scratches."

 " What's your name?"

 " Hanji - this is my first expedition"  she added proudly.

Here and there on the roofs soldiers stood keeping all directions under close observation. In this regard, the abandoned town was a perfect spot. Seemed like this training expedition would end here. In any case, this should have been enough to let new recruits have a taste of what journeys beyond the walls might be.

 " And captain?" Levi asked, taking her hand. Erwin was next to him! What if…!

 " Oh, he's here, in that old inn. Discussing further plan of action with his assistant. We have already received new orders, so I think it’s better not to bother him now."

 " Tch"  Levi got to his feet.

 " I wouldn’t make such sudden movements if I were you."

He swayed a little and felt sick, but he just waved her off and headed in the direction of the inn. He went up to the porch of the old building and stepped inside unceremoniously. Mike and Erwin were there and they did discuss a plan of action, which was laid out in front of them on the table. Erwin was unharmed. He looked up at the intruder and his eyes softened when he saw Levi.

 " Mike - he addressed his friend " tell everyone, we’re preparing to head back.

Mike shook his head slightly and smirked. Bastard always behaved as if he was aware of something.

 " How are you, Levi? Feel better?" captain asked gently as soon as Mike went out. His voice was unusually mellow - Levi could hardly believe that just recently it had been that same voice giving out frightening orders and shaping the fate of recruits trembling with fear.

Instead of answering, Levi walked up to Erwin determinately - he was so tall, Levi would like to be at least 10 centimeters taller to reach out. Instead he just grabbed the bolo tie and forcefully pulled Erwin down. It was such a rear occasion to see emotions in Levi’s eyes – but now they were fiercely burning.

 " Don’t you dare die!"  He hissed, his face inches from Erwin’s. Captain’s thick eyebrows went up in surprise. " Don’t you dare die in front of me, you understand?"

 " Levi ..."

 " I thought you were dead, dammit! What you were up to back there! Fucking idiot! Don’t you value your life at all?! ..."

Levi choked on his own words. They were coiling too deep inside his heart. It was too painful to extract them out of there, like splinters.

 " Levi," Erwin said again. He leaned down and kissed away a tear running down Levi’s cheek. " Look at you, you fool, you nearly died there yourself, right in front of me. Don’t you think it's a little selfish of you?"

 " I don’t know what will happen if you’re gone, what will happen to _me,_ " Levi mumbled quietly before Erwin kissed him. This time, Levi embraced him, pulled him close. He kissed back eagerly, like a wanderer dying of thirst, who came across a cool spring of water in a desert. Erwin broke their kiss, and when Levi released him, straightened up to his full height.

 " I will not die. I promise."  He ran his fingers over Levi’s chin, lifting his face a little, looking down at his shiny eyes. This was the Levi only Erwin could see.

 " For now, we have to go back."


	4. In the Dark

**In the Dark**

 

      Time spins away, stealing day after day and every new day is already a gift in their dangerous lives. No one knows what will happen next, no one has time to rejoice in the fact that they are still alive. New challenges, expeditions and threats of budget cuts are always awaiting. All this weight had fallen on Erwin’s shoulders after several unsuccessful missions beyond the walls and numerous losses. People began to complain –of course, they complained before, but now the situation grew even worse. The anxiety of higher-ups began to influence them, so that by now almost everyone had shared the opinion that the Survey Corps’ existence was yet another unnecessary reason to raise the taxes. Erwin did everything he could, tried to make use of his connections and opportunities to obtain budget needed for the next expedition, for endless trainings and mentoring of new recruits which kept dying a fast death, their young inexperienced lives extinguishing like candles. But Erwin was not easy to break –of that Levi had no doubt. He knew that his captain had hard time, but the man wouldn’t show it in any way. Those days Levi often came to his office –back than it was not yet a spacious Commander’s office, but a small unpretentious one. Levi always came in without knocking, without warning; he would sit down on the windowsill behind Erwin’s chair and silently watch him work. The other did not mind. Levi watched him signing endless papers, writing letters, giving orders or just sitting in his chair, thinking of something, his chin resting on his hands. They could stay like that, in silence, for a long time. Sometimes Erwin would get up from his seat; join Levi on the windowsill, occupying his entire half of the sill and even Levi’s half, partly invading his personal space. Levi didn’t mind. Erwin would run a hand through Levi’s hair, _"How was your day?"_ He would ask, dipping his fingers down the back of Levi’s head, massaging his tense neck. _"Shitty, as always,"_ Levi would say, melting in a relaxing touch of the strong hands. Between them there was definitely something special going on, but they did not seek to define it in any way. If only Erwin gave him a sign, Levi would follow, but they didn’t not cross any borders. This was already not a simple friendship, but it was not a manifestation of physical affection either, as they both did not want to become aware of it.

      One night, or rather, early morning Levi came to Erwin’s office. Everyone was already asleep, it was quiet. Only the night guards had fun somewhere outside, laughing and joking. It was almost completely dark in the office, a single candle burning out on Erwin’s desk. Levi stopped at the open door – actually, he forgot that it was already _that_ late. Erwin made him work overtime those past few days and he was actually quite enthusiastic about that, partly because besides his cleaning hang up, he slept no more than 3-4 hours a day. He didn’t care how it might affect his health. So, when he walked into the office and saw Erwin sleeping right at his working desk, head resting on a pile of letters, he was taken aback for a moment. A sleepless night at work had finally had its effect. Levi smiled (at least in his mind), approached the desk and placed his own candle next to that of his captain. Erwin was so handsome when asleep. He had never seen him like that -his tense features relaxed, wrinkle between his eyebrows smoothed –he was the epitome of tranquility. Levi ran a hand through the strands of blond hair. The other man stirred in his sleep, opened his eyes and looked up at Levi, who was solemnly towering (for once) over him. Erwin raised his head above the letters resting his cheek on his hand wearily; he ran his fingers over his eyes, fighting the temptation to fall back asleep.

 " What are you doing here at this hour?" he asked sleepily.

 " Brought you the results of my overtime work that you had kindly overkilled me with" Levi placed yet another pile of papers on his desk.

 " Ah,"  there was a shadow of disappointment in Erwin’s voice.  "Levi, I want to attain your promotion. I need someone like you in my ranks as soon as possible. Do you understand?"

 " Erwin. Ain’t no one at all waiting for you at home?" Levi sunk into the chair in front of the desk and stared at his captain with bored expression.

Erwin smiled and lowered his eyes.

 " No," he said shortly.

 " Don’t tell me you have no one, really, don’t you have a wife? Family? Girlfriend, at least?"

Erwin crossed his fingers under his chin and looked at Levi.

 " I would love to have a family," he said with a hint of sadness in his voice. " But I can’t."

 " Why not?"

 " I don’t know when I will die."

      Levi swallowed hard. Fair enough. Though it sounded strange coming from the mouth of a man such as Erwin. It would be easy as blinking for him to find someone, if only he wanted to. Any girl would be happy to give her heart to him.

 " All the higher-ranking officers I know have families nevertheless. They are also risking their lives almost every day, you know."

 " Still not as much as I do. Do you know Nile of the King’s Military Brigade?"

 " I guess."

 " He recently got married to a girl, Mary. She may be the only one I really liked. But in the end I chose this," he pointed to a pile of papers on his desk. " I decided to devote my life to titans."

 " Out of all people you've decided to give your heart to these dumb fuckers. You must be shit crazy, Erwin."

 " Maybe,"  Erwin grinned. "But my heart doesn’t belong to them; actually, I gave it to freedom. And its favor is not so easy to achieve."

 " I think you're not the only one trying here,"  Levi said, a subtle hurt creeping into his heart.

 " Even if it’s all in vain, I can always rely on you, right?" Erwin asked.

     Levi drew his eyebrows together as if lost in deep concentration.

 " You’ll have to promote me, for starters."

 " You're hopeless."

 " Whatever, " Levi got up from the chair, took his candle and headed for the door, looking back from the corner of his eye on the way. Captain watched him thoughtfully. Was it possible that he also didn’t understand what was going on between them? Was it possible that he had just said only what he knew to be the truth? Levi hoped so. In any case, now it was neither the time nor the place for such emotional wailing.

     Time continued to fly by. And all of a sudden - Erwin became the Commander. New responsibilities were loaded on his broad shoulders, new conditions and new orders, imposed on him directly by the government. Levi hardly saw him. By chance he discovered that Erwin was developing a new plan for the expedition again. By chance he met him several times in the company of brand-new, unfamiliar people. Erwin got his new fancy office, which it was impossible to enter without knocking, as there almost certainly would be important guests there. Levi had hard time tolerating all these changes, he didn’t know why. Old grievances and losses began to show, and an unexplained anger began to accumulate. New expedition outside the walls started. On its way the Survey Corps squad was ran over by the horde of titans, by then Levi knew for sure that, despite all their efforts, at least fifty percent of the soldiers would never make it back home. He jumped out of his saddle and in one fell swoop kill three titans - their searing blood splashed all over his cape, got in his face and evaporated. But it was not enough. He killed again and again, mad with rage, he didn’t notice another one - coming at him from behind, attracted by the noise. It was stretching its hand to grasp the tiny figure ... Levi turned around and his eyes widened - not with horror - with surprise - he was so blinded by his rage, he did not notice the danger. _"That is all,_ " a thought flashed in his head - it was so calm and clear, as if he was looking at the sunset and talking about the end of the day, not the end of his life. Next moment, however, the hot blood sprinkled his face - was it his own? No, it was definitely not. The huge hand flew off to the side and the titan stared at the bloody stump. Someone picked Levi up by his cape and pulled him into a saddle. Behind a loud roar was heard- the titan fell heavily to the ground, finished off by one of the soldiers. Levi looked up at his savior - a pair of blue eyes looked back at him, full of worry - brows furrowed, lips pressed tensely in one thin line. Blood was dripping down Erwin’s cheek, his own blood.

 " Why did you save me?" Levi asked, still in shock.

Erwin kept silent for a while before he answered.

 " I’ve been long meaning to say this to you, Levi. I forbid you to die. Do you understand?"

     Levi said nothing. Erwin was holding him close with all his strength. He was struggling to look forward, his gaze strained, bright color of his eyes ebbed with iron-gray while pain was clouding his mind.

 " Are you okay?" Levi asked.

 " I've had worse," Erwin replied briskly.

      Few days after this expedition Levi was invited to the Commander’s office. Upon seeing him, Erwin smiled softly and stood up from his table. His head was bandaged, but otherwise he looked fine.

 " Congratulations on your promotion, Corporal," Erwin said, holding out his hand.

 " Ahh...thanks," Levi replied, puzzled. They shook hands.

     There was a momentary expectant pause, while Levi tried to understand what had just happened and why now. Then he looked at Erwin, took a step closer, stood on his tiptoes and kissed him on the chin. As a sign of gratitude, but gently, as a lover. Erwin looked at him in surprise.

 " Thank you, Erwin," Levi whispered, his hand lingering on the Commander’s cheek. This one was personal, intimate gratitude, for saving his life, for the opportunity to receive these congratulations now and see Erwin in front of him, alive and almost unhurt. For some reason, at that moment it was the most important thing in the world for him.

 _"I want to see you more often",_ was hanging on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t gather enough determination to voice these words.

      Erwin took his hand away from his cheek, but kept holding it.

 " That's not all. You will be not only a corporal, but also a captain of the special squad, which will act on my orders directly. You will organize your squad yourself; choose only those soldiers you’ll find to be worthy. Got it?"

 " Fine. Why are you doing all this for me?"

 " I didn’t do anything for you. You deserved all this long time ago. Now. That's an order, Levi. Obey."

 " Right."

      It might seem strange, perhaps, to take orders from the Commander, while he’s holding your hand so affectionately. Levi gave up on formal saluting long ago - it was not in his nature, but this situation seemed perfectly normal to him. Finally Erwin released his hand and went back to his desk.

 " Dismissed," he said in a low voice.

      Levi turned and walked out of the office, the door so far away now - so much fighting of the temptation to stay and ... and what? Just watch? He did not understand what was happening, and he did not have time to understand these feelings - it was necessary to carry out new orders, to fight on and to survive. And he felt that now he had a reason why.


	5. Until New Light is Born

**Until New Light is Born**

 

Something went wrong with the new expedition from the very start. This time, on Erwin’s orders Levi had to stay in the headquarters and was to be in charge of everything in Commander’s stead. It seemed that recently, the higher-ups had been sending the Survey Corps on missions way too often. Perhaps, in hope that they would all get eaten by titans, or at least, lose their enthusiasm to fight because of the constant mental coercion. Then there would be no need to fund all these expeditions at all.

Now that Levi gained his own authority, he didn’t miss the opportunity to take advantage of it. In Erwin’s absence all new recruits were sent on a special mission to clean the entire headquarters, which, of course, was an obvious sign of Corporal’s distress. Most of all he wanted to be outside the walls now, by Erwin’s side. But instead he was ordered to stay, to watch over what was going on inside the walls. Levi recalled his latest expedition, when in the last moment Erwin managed to save him, recalled the way dark-red blood was dripping down Commander’s face, his eyes clouding. He obviously needed to get some rest too. They sent this expedition out way too early - but this, of course, would never stop Erwin, that reckless bastard. Levi angrily threw the rag from the mop into the basket of dirty water and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. "Damn it," he swore, looking around in disgust. "Fucking recruits can’t even wash the walls properly."

The Survey Corps squad returned late at night. Nevertheless, the crowd still gathered to meet them at the gates with angry shouts or pensive judgemental silence. Another failure. 90 percent of the squad were left behind.

Levi was sitting on the bed in his room with his legs tucked up and his head hung down. He was weary after a day of physical labor, and even more so, he was weary because of constant distress, which he would not admit even to himself. But he feared to even try to imagine how Erwin must be tired by now. He feared, but still did. He kept looking up at the ceiling, at the window, and then looking down at his own hands. It was too much. He could not sit there and wait all night to see Erwin, could not wait the whole morning to burst into his office unceremoniously under some official pretext. He felt deeply indebted to his commander. Levi did not notice when his legs carried him out of the room and into the dark hall lit only by poor light from several dying torches. He went upstairs, relaying on his memory mostly, to find Commander’s new room. He gently knocked at the door and quietly opened it a little. It was completely dark inside.

“Erwin. Can I come in?”

“Yes,” he heard Commander’s voice.

Levi closed the door behind him and stood right there, leaning back on it. Erwin was sitting on the edge of his bed, still in full gear - it was dark, but in the moonlight his strained, thoughtful expression became evident, dark circles looming ominously under his eyes.

Levi didn’t know what to say to him. Communication and words of comfort had never been his forte. But at that moment he was so anxious to remove this tension, to share at least part of heavy burden with Commander. No one knew how hard it was. Several long minutes passed in silence. It seemed that Erwin forgot about Levi’s presence, forgot about everything and completely immersed in that dark mad world of his. Levi came closer, he wanted to sit next to him , but could not stop and instead closed the distance between them completely, stretched out his hands and put them on the broad shoulders. Erwin straightened up sharply as if awakened from his forgetfulness and lifted his gaze, looking up at Levi with surprise.

“Levi,” he whispered.

“I'm here,” Levi responded, stepping closer between Commander’s legs, hugging his neck and kissing his hair.

Erwin embraced him eagerly, his large hands covered Corporal’s back, pulled him closer, so that he almost fell on Erwin’s chest - another step would be dangerously close ... . Erwin pressed his cheek against his chest - he was so hot, so alive.

“Lives given with no regrets, is that so, Erwin?” Levi asked quietly, softly.

  Erwin shook his head

“Not the slightest,” he pulled away from Levi to face him again, his eyes were bright and full of confidence, but at the same time they were searching him. Levi raised an eyebrow and ran a hand through Erwin’s hair.

“Why can’t you sleep then, Commander?” he asked.

“Too many thoughts,” Erwin undid a button on Levi’s shirt, then another one and another. Levi caressed his cheek and Erwin leaned into the touch, took his hand and kissed his fingers. “I missed you so much.”

Levi’s heart was ready to jump out of his chest, his mouth were dry. He leaned over to Erwin, caught him in a kiss, trailed his lips over his chin, his jaw, then went back to his lips and Erwin let him inside obediently. Feeling his tongue slipping into Erwin’s mouth, Levi tried to believe that it was all happening right now and for real. Erwin’s hands slid down his back, squeezing his backside and pulling him into a tight grip. A surprised moan broke away from Levi’s lips and drowned in the kiss. They broke apart, staring at each other, breathing heavily, faces almost touching. Levi gripped Erwin by the neck not realizing clearly what was happening. Erwin, pulled him away a bit, not without an effort, started to take off his jacket, to hurriedly unfasten his numerous belts. Levi watched him for some time, then he ran his hands over his thighs, helping to undo the straps of the gear. Somewhere along the way, they met in a kiss again, hot and hungry, losing themselves into it. Erwin put Levi on his bed, leaned over him, unbuttoned his pants and yanked them down. With his knees he spread Levi’s legs and positioned himself between them, his eyes fixed on Corporal. Moonlight shaped Erwin’s silhouette so that it seemed even more impressive and prominent.

“I'm sorry. I have wanted this for so long,” he said, running his hand over Levi’s lithe naked body. The other trembled under his touch. Erwin kissed him. “You are so beautiful.”

Levi bit his lower lip. Beautiful? No one had ever said anything like that to him before. For some reason, it sounded so achingly seductive coming from Erwin’s mouth. A wave of heat ran through him stirring heavy desire in his abdomen. Erwin took off his shirt - Levi watched him greedily, trying to memorize every curve, every bump of steel muscle, every scar.

“Take off your pants,” he said, pushing Erwin with his knee. Hot blush was burning on his cheeks. Erwin unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down. He was so fine. Just as Levi imagined him, and he imagined him enough - well-build, big and hard... Levi swallowed involuntarily.

“Will you let me?” Erwin asked cautiously. He took his cock in his hand, stroking its length, slowly, almost lazily. Only now Levi looked up to his face and realized that all this time Erwin’s eyes were on him. His gaze had already penetrated into him, was inside him, devoured him.

Instead of answering, Levi parted his legs wider in invitation. Erwin bent over him, touching his fingers teasingly on the inside of Levi’s thighs, on his belly. Then he took two fingers into his mouth, his lips closing around them eagerly. Levi groaned, couldn’t help it as he watched Erwin, eyes fixed on his wet red lips. Erwin slowly pulled his fingers out and slid his hand between Levi’s legs, teasing his entrance with his wet touch. His eyes widened, mimicking Levi’s eyes, when he gently pushed one finger inside, then, almost immediately - the second one. Levi moaned, his hips jerked upwards without his permission seeking more penetration. Erwin spread his fingers inside him, crooked them, leaned lower over him and suddenly pulled his hand away.

“I'm sorry,” he said, quickly, without a warning, sliding his cock inside a second after. “I’m sorry.”

Levi was breathing heavily, trying to adjust himself to Erwin, who moved faster and faster as if he had been waiting for this for too long, as if now he could not restrain himself. Levi gripped his shoulders firmly, threw his head back on the pillow and shut his eyes tightly. Then Erwin brushed against some sweet spot inside him - shiver ran through his body - he opened his eyes wide and stared at the other man. The pleasure was unbearable, overwhelming, and Erwin was too much.

“Erwin ...” Levi whispered, locking his legs tighter around the other’s back. –“ _Erwin, Erwin.”_

A few more thrusts and Levi came, which he did not expect to happen so soon and so hard. His back arched, losing contact with the sheets almost completely. Erwin groaned and came right after him, unable to last any longer under such tight pressure. He nuzzled into Levi’s shoulder and gently bit him to quiet his voice. Few moments later he settled down heavily next to Levi - they looked at each other in the darkness and utter silence, until, worn down, they fell asleep .

Levi woke up early in the morning, tangled in sheets, his back and legs were sore. He turned his head - Erwin was still asleep, his face buried in a pillow, the blanket slid off his body almost completely. Levi turned to him, and as long as Commander did not suspect anything, watched him sleep. Surprising calmness took over him. Was it possible that he was happy at that moment? Erwin’s breathing changed and Levi concluded that he too was now awake. He poked his shoulder gently, reminding of his presence, and Erwin turned to him, opened his blue eyes to a new day. More precisely, to Levi. Levi ran his fingers over his cheek, his lips.

“There's still time, you can go back to sleep,” Erwin said.

“I’ve slept more than enough already because of you,” Levi responded, brushing a strand of hair away from Erwin’s forehead. Erwin smirked and moved closer to him, caressing Levi’s body under the blanket. Levi bit his lip and spread his legs, when Erwin’s hand slipped down and grabbed his cock. Levi closed his eyes and let out a hissed breath.

“How do you like it?” Erwin whispered hotly in his ear.

Levi took his hand, directed him, moved closer to him, seeking to repay the pleasure. Erwin allowed him to do as he pleased. They kissed and moved together in perfect synch.

“I love to watch you when you lose yourself” Erwin smiled, moving his hand faster.

“Shut up,” Levi responded, thrusting his hips into Erwin’s hand.

The silence was broken only by their shaky breathing. Erwin came first with a long deep moan. Levi embraced him and was hopelessly lost in his own release. Erwin kissed his neck, his fingers kept stroking Levi’s sensitive skin while he was returning to his senses. The day was beginning.

“Come to me again, Corporal. I'll wait for you,” Erwin said.

“I'll try not to forget about that.”

Levi didn’t forget. He kept returning to Erwin almost every day. No one knew about their relationship, they themselves still didn’t discuss it, but wouldn’t deny that their lives were now intertwined beyond retrieve. This went on until a new danger loomed over the mankind. Until a grim reminder of their helplessness shadowed over them, the day of great humiliation, when the wall was breached and titans invaded their territory. Just a few days prior to this sad event, Erwin seemed to forefeel something, and anxiety wouldn’t leave him. He was not himself, uneasy thoughts eating at his mind. As if he already knew about the upcoming danger, as if even back then his mind was already working on a plan of action - he relayed on his strategic approach no matter what. But now, when his most loyal soldier was by his side - the man, who Erwin tamed himself and to whom he had given maybe a little more than a shelter - would this change the fate of mankind? Their fate?

...

It was still dark when Erwin woke him up. Levi opened his eyes and saw that Commander was already fully dressed.

“Levi. Get dressed, I want to show you something,” he said.

Within seconds, Levi was already on his feet, still sleepy, he didn’t quite understand what was going on, thought that, maybe, titans broke through the wall and they needed to evacuate the people, gather soldiers. He was hurriedly putting his jacket on while trying hard to keep up with Erwin’s pace, to finally wake up and figure out the right sleeve from the left one. They went outside and Erwin tenderly draped his cape over Levi’s shoulders.

“For fuck’s sake...” Levi protested, but accepted the cape still and did not regret it when they went out into the frozen air. His breath was hot against it, Levi still wanted to sleep and hardly understood the situation, but he kept following Erwin, trusting him implicitly. The streets were completely empty, filled only with the sound of their boots against the pavement. They walked towards the wall and climbed the stairs up to the very top.

“Where the hell are you taking me?” Levi began to wake up and realize that, apparently, no emergency did happen and that Erwin was up to something. His guesswork began to prove right after they turned up on the wall and startled the unsuspecting scouting soldiers. They jumped out of their skin and saluted Erwin and Levi watching them go in bewilderment. Levi turned around, frowning at them and keeping up with Erwin at the same time.

“Erwin, what’s going on?” he repeated his question, more insistent this time.

“Have patience, we're nearly there,” Erwin said.

Cold biting wind was blowing on the wall, it crept under the cape and made Levi shiver – he wanted to get back to the warm bed, the warm sheets, with Erwin’s warm arms around him. Commander stopped.

“Here.”

Levi looked around. There was absolutely no one and nothing in this part of the wall, except for a couple of defective cannons that were dragged here the day before.

“So? What are we doing here, dammit ?” Levi wondered.

“Look there,” Erwin pointed his hand toward the horizon.

There, far ahead beyond the endless valleys and green hills, a glimmer of scarlet light began to come out. Levi could not make up his mind as to what it was. For the sun it was too red, and for the moon - too bright. Soon the whole sky near the horizon flushed in scarlet stripes, turning everything around in the color red – all the hills and valleys, and rivers. And only then, a majestic bright luminary appeared from the distant skyline, - right before their eyes, it paraded up the scarlet carpet and poured life into sleeping frozen space, hushing it after a cold night. The sun was huge and seemed to not yet gain its full brightness. It was possible to look at it without hurting eyes while it was marching slowly and solemnly across the painted sky.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

Levi raised an eyebrow and sighed. But his heart was overflowing with beauty he had never seen before. Not there, not where he came from. One could never see the horizon from down there. He glanced at his commander. This sun. It was manifestation of Erwin himself when he came to his life - a great light, walking the line that is scarlet with blood. But despite all the losses, he will keep walking, keep rising every day, over and over again getting to his mission, burdening his shoulders with the fate of humanity.

“I have nothing to offer, Levi,” Erwin said.

“What are you talking about?”

“I cannot guarantee our freedom. I cannot guarantee our victory. I cannot even say with certainty that we will survive this day. “

“Come on, Erwin“

“I have nothing to offer you -neither my feelings, nor my confessions and promises. But you’ve become too dear to me. So I just wanted to share this dawn with you, so that you could remember it. And if something happens to me ... “

“Erwin…“

“... if something happens to me, I want you to look at it, and remember about me. This sky, Levi, is for you. “

They stood huddled up to each other on the edge of the wall and looked forward at the horizon. Maybe they had nothing, maybe they were nothing but hopeless preys of their own fantasies. But no one could take this moment away from them. A moment of perfect freedom – when their hearts were beating in unison.

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


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